


Insomnia

by my_soliloquy_chamber



Series: Odyssey siblings [2]
Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Assassin's Creed: Odyssey, Gen, Post-Deimos, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:15:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28710327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_soliloquy_chamber/pseuds/my_soliloquy_chamber
Summary: When they had first brought him home after their reunion at Mount Taygetos, he had been a wreck. Swinging between sullen staring at nothing and everything, to violent, rage filled outbursts, and bouts of wide-eyed, manic paranoia.His nights were spent curled in on himself, body wracked with violent sobs, or seated in a chair facing the front door, leg bouncing, fingers tapping, waiting for dawn.
Series: Odyssey siblings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2089452
Comments: 11
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

* * *

It was night and the sky was a clear, thick blanket of stars. The air was still and the Adrestia drifted gently on the Agean as most of her crew rested, some stretched out on deck, but most hidden away down below. 

Kassandra was standing up at the helm, some paces away from the railing to keep out of sight as she watched her brother. He was pacing back and forth over the deck, silent, despite his armor, and careful not to disturb the crew sleeping by his feet. 

He would stand in one spot for a while, staring out at the sea, or up at the stars, or down at his own feet. Then, with abrupt, jerky movements he would pace to the other side of the ship. Sometimes he would sit down in an empty space only to shoot to his feet a few moments later, and move briskly to another part of the ship.

Kassandra’s heart clenched and ached for her brother.

* * *

When they had first brought him home after their reunion at Mount Taygetos, he had been a wreck. Swinging between sullen staring at nothing and everything, to violent, rage filled outbursts, and bouts of wide-eyed, manic paranoia.

His nights were spent curled in on himself, body wracked with violent sobs, or seated in a chair facing the front door, leg bouncing, fingers tapping, waiting for dawn.

He was pale, his eyes bloodshot, with heavy, dark circles underneath.

Their mother tried to spend as much time with him as she could, to bond with him, to build up familiarity, to teach him about Sparta, to give him her support. She took him for walks through the town, showing him landmarks and speaking of their history. She took him to the agora and then had him stay with her as she cooked, talking about the food she made and where she’d learned the recipes. She made Nikolaos take him out to spar, and to visit the agoge to see the children in training.

All the traipsing through the town made her brother’s mood swings worse. He would mutter and scream about being watched, being followed, convinced the Cult was coming for him, was already there. Every curious eye turned in his direction during their excursions were a potential assassin, there to stick him with a blade or poison his food.

Kassandra had watched all of this with quiet discomfort. She didn’t know what Alexios needed, but she felt in her bones that what he was being given was not helping him.

The time spent with their mother was not improving their relationship. He just stood at her side, shoulders tense and hunched, jaw clenched, a deep frown marring his forehead. He never spoke unless she prompted him, and then only as taciturn as possible.

Nikolaos did not make the same frantic attempts at bonding with his son, only acting as directed by Myrrine and staying mostly quiet. He had taken to sitting silently in the same room as Alexios, though, if they were in the house at the same time, and occasionally stepping in to prevent Myrrine from dragging their son out into the village or to the home of some acquaintance when Alexios seemed especially tense and irritable.

But his presence made Alexios’ jaw clench and his fingers dig hard into his thighs, and her brother would refuse to acknowledge his presence or even look in his direction.

Kassandra felt awkward around him, wanting to help but desperately wanting to avoid making things worse.

Sometimes, at night, when her brother sat waiting for dawn and their parents were sleeping, she would dress and go stand by the front door until he looked at her. Then she would slip outside and head out of the town, up into the hills, into the woods, out to a secluded meadow, or take Phobos down to the shoreline.

Most of the time he would follow. Sometimes they sparred until their were both bruised, bleeding, and bathed with sweat. Sometimes they would run until their lungs ached and little pinpricks dotted their vision. Mostly though, they sat silent and stared at the night around them.

* * *

The first time was early on, after their mother had spent a whole day dragging Alexios around Sparta, and then had forced Nikolaos to take him sparring late into the evening, because she believed being busy would take his mind off his troubles and then her son would be able to sleep.

Kassandra had shaken her head and pointed out that her brother wasn’t a toddler to tucker out before bedtime, which had earned her a scolding and an evening full of angry glares.

That night, Alexios had slipped outside and Kassandra had followed him. She’d found him standing below the hill not far from their house, staring around him, looking sad and anxious. When she had come up behind him, footsteps deliberately loud, he had startled and whipped around. His eyes were wide and desperate, gleaming with unshed tears.

“I don’t know where to go.” His voice had been brittle and so vulnerable, and Kassandra had taken a step towards him, to wrap her arms around him in comfort, but he had taken several steps back. “N.. No… Just… don’t touch me.”

She had nodded and raised her hands in a placating motion. “It’s alright. I won’t. But… Come with me.”

She had led him through the dark streets and out of the town, into a crop of trees and down the bank of a trickling brook. They were close enough to the buildings to see torches and lanterns if they climbed back up the bank, but here by the brook, it was dark and secluded. The moon their only light, reflecting in the water and off their armor.

She stopped there and waited to see if he wanted to go further, but he sank down on a rock and hid his face in his hands. Sitting down on the bank a few paces away from him, she waited.

Feeling like she was intruding, she listened to his shaking breaths and muffled sobs, casting her eyes away to watch the glittering water.

When he finally spoke, his voice was thick and rough. “I don’t think I can do this anymore. I don’t understand what they want from me.”

Cupping his hands into the stream, he scooped up some water and splashed it over his face, scrubbing with his palms. “She keeps saying that we’re _family_ , that I’m her son and she’s my mother. Like it’s supposed to _mean_ something. Like if she keeps saying it I’ll magically remember her and a childhood that never existed.”

He stood up and started pacing in the damp waterside grass. “She introduces me as her son, the soldier, _the warrior_. Like she’s _proud_ of what the Cult made me into. At the training ground, around the village, the soldiers tell me they’re impressed and ask if they can spar with me. I’ve killed their friends and family on the battlefield and they’re just _impressed_. It’s like everyone thinks what happened to me is fine because I’m really good at killing people now.”

He stopped and turned to her, arms spread wide. “What am I supposed to do? Tell me!”

Kassandra’s eyes burned with tears and her heart ached for him. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. I want so badly to be able to help you, but I don’t know how. All of us, all _three_ of us, just want you to be ok, to help you. We just want you to know that you are loved and accepted and safe. I know we’re terrible at it, but you are so, _so_ loved and wanted, Alexios. Mater with all her malakas _activities_ is just trying to show you that, I think. And to show you all the things you missed, share all the things you should have already gotten to share.”

They sat by the brook until the sun crept over the horizon, silent, but not so uncomfortable anymore.

It hadn’t been enough, it hadn’t really _helped_ him, but it was the start of something that she thinks helped them both, a little. The nights they spent together around Sparta made them grow closer in a way. Made them more comfortable with each other, made them able to read each other better. They were doing what Myrrine was so desperately trying to achieve by force; They were becoming family.

* * *

As much as she wanted to be there for her brother and help him readjust to the world, Kassandra was beginning to become impatient, restless. She still had so much to do, responsibilities she had set aside. Barnabas and her crew were waiting for her, and her hunt for the Cult was far from finished.

When she told him she was thinking about leaving during one of their sparring sessions, his eyes had gone wide with surprise and hurt before darkening with murderous rage. He had screamed at her then, slipping into despairing paranoia, accusing her of abandoning him, of spying for the Cult, of being sent to assassinate him. He broke several of her ribs, her jaw, her nose before she gave up trying to placate him and sprinted away back to the town. Vanishing into the shadows until he stopped looking for her, stopped stalking through the dark streets calling out for her, banging his sword against mortar and stone, making it echo and ring between the buildings.

She stayed away for a day and a night, not returning until the sun was well above the horizon to be sure her parents and the servants would be awake to help set a buffer between her and her brother.

* * *

They were tense and awkward for days until she woke up one night with him standing over her bed in the dark. His voice was strangely monotonous when he spoke. “When are you leaving?”

With her heart beating hard in her chest, she could barely hear the question. “I don’t know.”

He stared at her for a moment longer before turning and leaving the room. Hearing him open the front door, she slipped out of bed to follow.

Standing right outside in the courtyard, he started walking as soon as she emerged, strides long and determined.

He led them to the brook they had visited the first time and sat down on a rock. “Why do you have to go?”

Kassandra sat down gingerly in the soft grass, mindful of her still healing ribs, and sighed. “I have responsibilities to people outside of Sparta. The crew of my ship, Barnabas and Herodotus, people I have taken contracts from but not yet finished…”

She sighed again and scrubbed her hands over her face. The words sounded ridiculous and hollow. “I’m sorry. That’s not… it’s true, and it’s what I will tell Myrrine and Nikolaos but…”

It was dark, but she could see him staring at her in the moonlight. “The Cult of Kosmos.”

She thought she saw him twitch and swallowed before continuing. “At first I was just trying to find them as a means to find Mater... to find you. But the more I learned, the more of them I found… I can’t let the Cult stand, Alexios. They are too dangerous, too greedy, too evil to be allowed. I have to go, I have to hunt them down. I can’t stand knowing there are still Cultists walking free in Hellas.”

Alexios’ hands were clenched into fists and his head was hanging low. When she stopped speaking he drew in a harsh breath through his nose and raised his head. The moonlight gleamed in his eyes when he looked at her, both obscuring his gaze and giving it an unsettling, otherworldly quality. “Will you kill my… will you kill Chrysis?”

“Oh, Alexios…” Kassandra stood up, gritting her teeth at her protesting ribs and walked over to stand in front of her brother. She reached out a careful, cautious hand and touched her fingertips to his clenched fist. “Alexios… Chrysis is dead.”

She heard him gasp, feeling him grab and squeeze her fingers in his hand. His voice was brittle, wavering and scared. He sounded so _young_. “Are you sure? She’s clever… she can _do_ things. Pretend and lie and hide and make you _think_ she’s… but she’s never… she always comes back.”

Kassandra took her brother’s face in her hands. “I am _sure_ , Alexios. I killed her myself. I was so _angry_ at her for what she had done. She was so proud, so happy to tell me what she had put you through. I hacked and slashed at her with my sword in blind rage until she was bleeding and dying on the ground at my feet. Old and pathetic.”

Alexios lips started to form words of protest but she gripped him tighter. “I made _sure_ , little brother. I drove the spear into her heart and twisted it. I’m sure she spent her life pretending she didn’t have one, but she did. And no one can live with their chest cracked open and their heart shredded to ribbons. Not even Chrysis.”

She saw his eyes in the moonlight, wide and disbelieving, filling up with tears. Then his arms were winding around her waist and his face buried in her stomach. She held his head tight to her body, stroking his hair and neck as he sobbed and howled his pain and grief and relief into her belly.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stentor was coming home. Nikolaos announced it during dinner, making the silent, awkward affair even worse.

* * *

Stentor was coming home. Nikolaos announced it during dinner, making the silent, awkward affair even worse. The news made them all tense and uncomfortable, but all for different reasons.

She didn’t ask, but Kassandra was sure Nikolaos’ awkwardness and nerves came from now having to force his old family onto his adopted son, who honestly had done nothing to deserve the shambles and disarray his home was now in.

Kassandra was of course the only other person who had met Stentor, and they hadn’t exactly parted as friends. Their reunion wasn’t one she was looking forward to.

Alexios would be tense and unhappy about _any_ stranger inside the house, but Kassandra wondered if the violent bouncing of his leg and squirming in his chair meant he knew the Cult had been trying to groom Stentor for membership.

Myrrine was frowning and pursing her lips. Kassandra wasn’t sure what was bothering her mother. Maybe it was the reminder that Nikolaos had moved on and continued to live his life in Sparta without them. Maybe she was worried about upsetting Alexios and the precarious relationship they were beginning to build with him.

They were all silent for a long time, picking unenthusiastically at their food. Suddenly, Myrrine let out a frustrated sigh. “There’s no room! He can’t stay here! Where would he sleep?!”

Kassandra saw her pater’s face fall, exposing a well of grief behind the cracked mask of composure. His voice was low and steady he spoke though. “Myrrine… This is his home. You can’t just…”

“No!” She slammed her palm against the table, startling them all. “He can’t just come in here and _ruin_ everything!”

“ _Mater_!” It was Kassandra’s turn to raise her voice, and she surprised herself with how affronted she felt on Stentor’s behalf. “He’s fought in a _war_ , Mater! He has suffered and triumphed for your _precious_ Sparta and you’re going to deny him rest in his own home? He grew up here!”

Both of her parents turned to stare at her in surprise. In the silence that followed, the clattering of Alexios’ chair sounded louder than it should. He was out and slamming the door behind him before any of them could react.

Myrrine shot to her feet, calling after her son, while Nikolaos buried his face in his hands, and Kassandra lunged after her mater and pushed her back into her chair. “No! _I_ will go after Alexios. You two will stay here and have whatever argument you need to have about your _other_ son.”

She stomped outside and slammed the door behind her. There was no sign of Alexios and she didn’t know where he might have gone. Deciding that the brook beyond the town was her best bet, Kassandra started walking briskly through the streets.

She had surprised herself with her defence of Stentor, but as she made her way through town the reasons clarified in her mind. She knew what it was like to be rejected from where she believed she belonged. 

It had started with her fall from Mount Taygetos, but it was a recurring trend in her childhood after that. She had to bring explicit _value_ to any relationship, and as soon as she didn’t. They turned away from her back to their own families.

Kassandra had seen first hand how distraught the believed loss of Nikolaos had made Stentor. Nikolaos was his _pater_ , and the house was his _home_. If Myrrine wanted to rebuild their broken little family, she would have to do it without ruining anyone else’s life. 

* * *

  
She reached the hill above the brook and looked down. Alexios was standing in the shallow water, staring at his feet. 

“Alexios?” She called out in a soft voice, making him look up. “Can I come down?”

He nodded and she made her way down the steep bank. It had rained the night before, and the grass was still wet and slippery in places so she took her time to reach the bottom where she stopped a few paces from her brother, not sure what to say.   
The place looked different during the day, less secluded and private, but the lush vegetation and colorful flowers were much more apparent and their colors bright and vibrant in the sunlight.

“It’s beautiful here. I didn’t notice at night. It reminds me a little of Korinthia.” Alexios’ voice was low, and Kassandra couldn’t decide if he sounded sad or wistful.

“I didn’t know you had been to Korinthia.”

He glanced at her with a wry smile. “I’ve been to a lot of places, Kassandra. Just like you.”

She nodded, of course, they’d never really talked about his life before he’d returned. Not the painful parts, not the potential good parts, not the mundane, ordinary parts. They should. They both had a life full of memories and experiences that they should share with each other, but not right now.

“So… Stentor is coming home.”

Alexios nodded and looked at his feet. “You know him?”

“Yes… not really. We’ve met. Fought together. Fought each other. He broke my nose.” Her brother looked up in alarm and she laughed. “He thought I had killed Nikolaos, so I think we can forgive him.”

“Do you like him?”

She snorted. “No. I respect him. He’s a good General and a good fighter, but no, I don't like him. It’s difficult to like someone who so openly despises you in return.”

“Then why did you defend him to mater?”

“I…” She sighed and sat down on a rock by the stream. “Look, Alexios… I _remember_. I wasn’t a baby when they threw me off that mountain. I remember that house, it was my _home_. And I remember the feeling of rejection, of being thrown away by my family and having my _home_ taken from me. I don’t want to do that to Stentor. He doesn’t deserve that. None of this is his fault.”

She looked at her brother, still standing in the middle of the shallow stream, shoulders hunched. “Is it that he’s a stranger and you have only just gotten used to sharing this space with the three of us?”

He nodded and sighed. “And I worry that he’s Cult. I know I shouldn’t but… sometimes I’m just. I just know they’re coming.”

Kassandra hesitated. Telling him could cause more problems than they already had, but not telling him… she didn’t want to lie to Alexios and risk damaging his trust in her. “I don’t believe he’s with the Cult, but… the former King Pausanias was Cult and I found some indications that he had tried to court Stentor to their cause.”

“What!?” Alexios’ voice was loud and his eyes wide. Kassandra raised her hands to placate him. 

“Alexios, I truly don’t believe Pausanias succeeded. Stentor is a proud man and a _very_ loyal Spartan. Joining the Cult would have meant subverting Sparta’s interests for those of the Cult. He wouldn’t do that. Not turn against his homeland and against Nikolaos.”

Alexios was shaking his head and clenching his hands. “But I will check, Alexios. I will search his things for clues or evidence. If he’s Cult, he dies. If he’s not Cult then… then he’s family. And I’ve gone without any family for too long to reject the one I have now.”

She sighed and stood up, walking over to him. Gently, she let her fingertips touch his clenched fists. “Stentor is my brother now, Alexios. But he’s not my favourite brother.” He wasn’t moving away, so she cupped his fists lightly in her hands. “And since he can’t stand me, you’ll be his favorite sibling too.”

She smirked and saw his mouth twitch. “Really, though, Alexios. Stentor will do whatever Nikolaos tells him to do, and Nikolaos wants you to be safe and happy.”

They stood silent a while, listening to the water flow by their feet and the birds singing in the trees. 

“He can take my bed. I’m not using it.” Alexios’ hands were unclenched now, fingers tangled with Kassandra’s.

“Alexios… you need to sleep.” She frowned at him and tried to hold on when he untangled his hands and took a step back.

“Yeah, but I don’t. It’s stupid to deny him a bed in his own home when there will be an empty one just standing there.” He looked at her with a small smile. “If I get tired, I’ll sleep on the floor in your room.” Then his face shifted and became serious. “I _can’t_ sleep in the same room with a stranger.”

“Fair enough.” She nodded. "Now, let's go back and see if our parents have killed each other.”

* * *

When the news reached them in the morning a few days later that the battalion had been sighted and would be arriving in Sparta by late afternoon, a veil of tension descended over the household.

Myrinne became irritable and short tempered. She dragged Alexios with her to the agora, complaining about the extra cooking she would be forced to do, but when they returned, Kassandra noted that the meal she was preparing was more elaborate than usual, fit to impress a decorated General and her new son.

Nikolaos was restless, walking around the house, poking his head into every room, moving things around only to put them back a moment later. Finally, he went outside to wait under the guise of inspecting and sharpening his blades.

Alexios got more and more tense as the day wore on until the early afternoon, when he mumbled unconvincingly that he would take a nap and disappeared into the room he now shared with his sister.

Kassandra had tried to escape the awkward mood in the house by setting out for a ride with Phobos, only to find herself back home in less than an hour. So instead she pulled out all of her gear and set about mending and cleaning each piece meticulously. 

* * *

Stentor arrived as the sun was setting. Kassandra saw him through the open window, walking straight and proud towards the house. There was something exhausted about his steps, though, that she couldn’t put her finger on, but whatever it was melted away when he saw Nikolaos.

The men gave each other a quick embrace and then stood speaking for a while, hands clasped around each other’s forearms. Stentor looked so pleased to see his pater and so relieved to finally be home. Just as the two men turned towards the house, Kassandra had a horrible thought. “Mater. He knows, right? Stentor knows we are all here?”

Myrrine didn’t have time to give her more than a look of dawning horror before Nikolaos threw the door open. “Here he is! The Conqueror of Boeotia, the Bane of the Athenians, the Defender of Sparta!”

Stentor’s eyes slid over the room, quickly taking in its two occupants. His expression did thankfully _not_ change into surprise, but retained the same pleased expression as he had given Nikolaos outside. “Pater, please. The war is far from over. There is still much work to be done.”

The two men stepped fully inside the room and stood awkwardly for a short moment until Myrrine stepped forward and clasped Stentor’s hand in both of her own. “Welcome home, Stentor. I have heard many great things from your pater. Congratulations on your success in Boeotia.”

He smiled and nodded at her, maybe a little stiffly. When he glanced at Kassandra though, he _did_ become tense. She reached out her hand in greeting. “Chaire, Stentor. It’s… ah, good to see you again.”

He let her hand hang in the air for several moments while he stared at her with contempt and anger. Finally, Nikolaos nudged him with his elbow and Stentor took her hand with gritted teeth, squeezing too hard to be polite. “Kassandra. I’m sure it pains you that we handled the remainder of Boeotia _without_ your help.”

She squeezed his hand until his eyes widened a little. “I never had any doubt you would succeed, _little brother_. Or I would have come to your aid. Again.”

They released their clasped hands and Nikolaos cleared his throat. “Is Alexios…?”

Myrrine nodded and gestured deeper into the house. “He’s resting, I’ll go get him. Kassandra, set out the food, I’m sure Stentor is hungry.”

Kassandra gritted her teeth but smiled stiffly. “Certainly, mater.” 

Nikolaos pulled his son deeper into the house, explaining the sleeping arrangements. “You’re sleeping in the upstairs room. Kassandra and Alexios are sharing your… um, the room downstairs.”

His words reminded Kassandra that the two of them had lived an entire life in the house as a family, and now three strangers had moved in and claimed it as their own.

* * *

Dinner that first night was not as painfully awkward as Kassandra might have feared. Nikolaos and Stentor kept the conversation flowing easily between them, discussing battles, strategy, and the journey back to Sparta. Myrrine contributed plenty of questions and praise of Stentor’s accomplishments, her manners and experience in diplomacy shining through. Kassandra remained silent to avoid causing any friction, but instead listened attentively. And Alexios stared at his plate while pushing his food around.

She saw Stentor’s eyes glance at her and their brother several times during the meal, narrowed and suspicious, and she made an effort to keep her face neutral and calm.

When Stentor retired to his room early, the rest of them cleaned up the remains of the meal and followed suit not long after.

* * *

Predictably, Alexios couldn’t sleep and it didn’t take long for him to give up trying. In silent agreement, they grabbed their gear and slipped out of the house.

Venturing outside of Sparta, thy headed deep into the woods where they had found a clearing ideal for sparring several weeks back. There, they were far enough away from the town that they could make as much noise as they wanted without disturbing anyone’s sleep, but close enough to not waste most of the night getting there.

A small abandoned shrine held a brazier for them to light, but mostly they just fought in moonlight.

Tonight though, neither of their hearts were in it, and they only sparred lightly for a few minutes before giving up. Instead they sat by the brazier and stared into the flames.

“That house has been his home for longer than it was yours. Maybe longer than mater too.” Alexios’ voice was low and even, pensive. “I thought he would feel like an intruder, but instead it just felt like we were intruding on him.”

Kassandra nodded, poking at the flames with a stick she’d picked from the ground. “They were so comfortable with each other. Talking easy, reminiscing, laughing. They respect each other so much. Like each other.” She sighed. “I can’t imagine getting to a place like that with Nikolaos, even if I hadn’t been… even if I’d stayed. He was so strict. So demanding. Everything correct and precise or it wasn’t good enough…”

They fell silent again. The fire crackled, smoke curling up to the star strewn sky. 

“When are you leaving?” Her brother still spoke in a calm, measured tone.

“I don’t know.” She felt conflicted. On the one hand, she wanted to stay for her brother, to help him adjust to the new person in the house, but on the other hand she desperately wanted to leave, _especially_ now that Stentor had arrived. “Maybe I should wait awhile until you’re…”

Alexios interrupted her, still calm, but determined. “I think you should go soon. The Cult needs to be dealt with, and… you should do that. Because I don’t think I can.”

“Alexios…” She looked at him, but the firelight threw shadows over his face, making it impossible to read.

“I wouldn’t have been able to kill Chrysis, even after everything she… There will be more like that. It’s better you do it. You have no history with any of them.” 

She reached out towards his hand but he stood up and paced to the edge of the firelight. “ _Big sister_. I can run and ride and train and _not sleep_ without you. And maybe… if you get them all… maybe I can stop thinking…”

There was a loud snap of a twig breaking, then the night filled with the howls of wolves. They looked around and saw several gleaming eyes outside the circle of light, and heard growls rumbling the air.

* * *

They dispatched the wolves quickly, of course, fighting together easily, smoothly after all the weeks of late night sparring. The small battle exhilarated them and put them both in a good mood. Chatting about hunting and of their memorable kills, they tied together the bodies of the wolves, and slinging them across their shoulders, made their way back to the house.

They had only been out for a few hours at most when they returned, which was a first for them. Usually, the sun was at least lightening the horizon when they stepped back through the front door. Now, it was still deep night and only a few torches burned to guide their path through the town, everything silent and still.

Dumping the wolves in front of the house, they opened the door softly, ready to sneak in and return to their beds without disturbing the rest of the family.

Light greeted them as they stepped inside though, making them both freeze. A small lantern was lit on the table, and Stentor stood next to it, arms crossed and face foreboding.

Kassandra could hear her brother’s breathing speed up and placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright. It’s fine.”

Alexios stood frozen a moment longer, staring at Stentor in alarm. Then his shoulders relaxed minutely and he nodded, moving silently deeper into the house to disappear into their shared room.

Kassandra waited until he was gone before gesturing at the door. “Can we… take this outside?” She glanced meaningfully in the direction of their parents’ bedroom. Stentor gave a curt nod, following her out and around to the small garden at the side of the house.

She stood there, waiting for him to speak, his face the same fierce mask it always was.

“You are leaving.” It was a statement, not a question, and Kassandra tilted her head in confusion before understanding dawned.

“You followed us.” She remembered the twig breaking just before the wolves descended on them. “You left us to the wolves. Literally.”

Stentor snorted and rolled his eyes. “Like the Eagle Bearer and the great Deimos need help taking down a couple of wolves.”

“It was six wolves, and _don’t_ call him that. His name is _Alexios_. But you’re right, we didn’t need you.” She crossed her arms and waited. He was the one who was up in the middle of the night, wanting to talk.

“Why were you out there?” He looked at her like he was scolding her for an infraction and she felt her hackles rise in defiance, spitting out her words.

“None of your business.” She immediately regretted it though, and sighed, raising her palms in placating surrender. “He doesn’t sleep. So we go out to sparr or run or ride or whatever to fill the time until dawn. It seems to… help.”

Stentor narrowed his eyes. “He doesn’t sleep at all?”

“No. No more than a few minutes, maybe.” She shook her head. “He cries, he screams, he rants, he breaks things, or he sits silently staring, but he doesn’t sleep.”

“And running around with you at night helps?” 

She nodded. “It doesn’t really help with the sleep though, just with the other things.”

Stentor looked pensive for a moment, then the sneer was back. “Well, it certainly explains why you look like a walking corpse, if you’re not sleeping at all.”

Kassandra’s mouth dropped open in surprise, but before she could respond, Stentor changed the subject. “Pater has written, to inform me of the… _changes_ in our house. He is under the impression that though we will all have some initial tension, eventually we will all settle in and become _family_.”

Kassandra hesitated, unsure what he wanted her to say. “But you are not staying to be part of his _family._ You are leaving.”

His voice was full of reprimand and she bristled. “I am an adult, Stentor. I have responsibilities and a life outside of his house, just like you. Locking me in this house to play happy family was never an option. And don’t pretend that you want me here! _No one_ will be happier to see the back of me than you.”

He bared his teeth at her. “No, I _don’t_ want you in _my_ home, sleeping in _my_ bed, but Pater wants us to be family.” He paced the small garden, voice rising only a little. “You don’t know what it’s been like, living with your ghosts all these years. And now you’re _all_ back from the fucking dead, and Pater has his _family_ back and I…”

He stopped with his back to her, chest heaving with his quick breaths. Kassandra sat down with her back to the stone wall, raising her face to the night sky. “He loves you more than he ever loved me or Alexios.”

Stentor spun around and stared at her, baffled, unbelieving. “He left you in Megaris to help you, to help your career. He fucking _deserted_ , risking his own career and status as a citizen, for _you_. Last time his career and status were threatened, he threw his children from a damn mountain. So don’t you _dare_ doubt his love for you again.”

Stentor still stood staring at her, and Kassandra sighed. “Look, Stentor. I’m not leaving because I want to throw any of this away. I _desperately_ want to be allowed to belong to a family and to have a home to return to, but I can’t just _stay_ here. What would I even _do_? I’m a mercenary, not a... a... I don’t even know.”

They were silent a while before Stentor spoke again. "He was strict with me too. Demanding. Insisting on perfection. But it was only so I would succeed, so I would become good enough to become a citizen. It was only to help. When he was sure, he... calmed down."

He looked at her, uncharacteristically earnest. "You would have gotten there too. You did. You're... you're a good fighter, Kassandra."

She couldn't quite tell in the low light, but she was sure the admission hurt him. "Thank you, Stentor. You are a good fighter too. Really." She laughed softly. "I guess we both had a good teacher."

They were silent a while longer, awkward in the wake of their mutual praise.

Finally, Stentor spoke again. “Pater will be disappointed when you leave. I’m sure Myrrine will be too.”

She sighed. “Yeah, I’m sure they will, but they’ll be fine. My only concern is for Alexios. If you were listening tonight, then you know he gave his blessing for me to go, but Stentor, he is _not_ ok. All the things they did to him, and made him do to others… that has broken his mind. It’s not just the sleep. He gets angry, violent, paranoid, forgets where and when he is… _You_ are going have to help him, and help pater to help him. He’s your little brother now too.”

Stentor nodded, and gestured vaguely at the house. “I will… talk to Pater. But… you should go sleep. You really… you really need it.”

* * *

It wasn't long before Stentor got to witness the bad side of Alexios.

In the morning, Myrrine, Kassandra and Alexios went outside to deal with the wolves, skinning the carcasses and harvesting meat and useful materials from the dead animals.

The three of them worked fast with practised ease and finished quickly.

Kassandra started to scrape the skins while Myrrine took Alexios around to the neighbors and the syssitia to donate the excess meat. She sat on the ground outside, pressing her bone scraper against the hide and letting the breeze pick up and blow away the debris she peeled off.

Nikolaos and Stentor sat talking inside, the front door open and spilling their murmured voices out into the courtyard. It was serene and domestic and Kassandra found herself wondering if this is what life would have been like if not for the Cult and their puppet Oracle. 

Then the peace was broken by Alexios’ voice ringing out between the buildings. It wasn’t really anything new to them or to their neighbours anymore, but Stentor looked appalled, frightened, and shamed as he ran out of the house to watch his brother’s progress down the street.

Alexios’ paranoia was in full bloom as he screamed and ranted about spies and assassins coming for him, all while their mater herded him towards the house. When he saw Stentor, he flew at him, arms stretched out towards the man’s throat. Kassandra and Nikolaos lunged for Alexios, holding on tight as they manhandled him into the house and back to their room.

Kassandra stayed by the door making sure he couldn’t leave and listened to him thrash and rant, slowly winding down. From her position, she could hear snippets of Myrrine’s explanation. They had gone to the agora after the syssitia, which had been more crowded than usual, a little louder than usual. Some people had looked at Alexios too long, and a few had bumped into him.

She heard Stentor exclaim about the ridiculousness of the situation, and then heard Nikolaos call after him as he left the house.

* * *

  
Kassandra stayed by the door, listening, waiting for her brother to calm down. When she hadn’t heard any sounds at all for several minutes, she slipped silently inside and pressed the door closed behind her.

Since the room didn’t have any windows, the darkness she stepped into was complete, but she could hear her brother’s laboured breathing and stood still, waiting for him to react.

“Alexios…?” I’m going to light a lamp.” She heard a muffled sound, but nothing that sounded like a sincere protest. With the muscle memory of old habits, she lit the lantern hanging by the door and took a moment to let her eyes adjust before turning around. 

Her brother was lying curled up into his customary post-outburst pose, his hands covering his face. His breathing was slowing down and Kassandra took careful steps between his body and her sleeping mat, lowering herself down to sit.

“A lot of people at the agora, mater said. That must have been stressful.” He didn’t react or respond, so she tried again. “Do you think it was something specific or… just generally too much?”

He remained quiet for a bit longer, but then sighed and scrubbed his face with his palms, rolling over onto his back to stare at the ceiling. “...just generally.”

She waited, looking down at her hands in her lap. “I don’t know… why were there so many people? Staring and pointing and laughing and… they kept touching me! Why would they do that?!” He turned his face to her, eyes wide and confused.

“They touched you? Mater said some people bumped into you, because of the crowding.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and covered them with his hands. “Yes, bumping into me… but… but… it felt worse. Intentional.” He groaned and curled in on himself again. “I don’t know…” His voice was muffled and small behind his hands.

“I’m sorry, that happened, Alexios, but you’re ok, everyone’s ok. No harm done.”

“I attacked Stentor.”

Kassandra smiled, remembering the look on her adopted brother’s face as Alexios lunged, and corrected him. “You _tried_ to attack Stentor. He’s fine. Besides, you’ve attacked the rest of us several times. If you left him out, he would think you didn’t love him.”

Alexios snorted softly and glanced at her between his fingers. “You’re so weird.”

She grinned wide at him, and then turned serious. “Why don’t you try to sleep for a few minutes? Just while mater prepares lunch. You’ll feel better.” 

He shook his head and started to sit up. “ _Please_? I’ll stay. Watch over you and make sure nothing and no one gets in.”

He looked at her searchingly for a moment and then nodded, laying back down and closing his eyes.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was just trying to write a little story about how Alexios can’t sleep on the deck of the ship (which is canon, he can’t even sit down poor thing)... so, I have absolutely no idea how I ended up with this story which… I’m not sure if you noticed… is not really about insomnia at all. It seems to be about everything BUT insomnia.  
> *sigh*
> 
> In the game, you don’t really find out that Stentor is being courted by the Cult unless you kill him (he has a letter), but I felt that it would not be a good idea if they found that letter in his stuff once he came to the house. So I changed that a little.
> 
> Also writing about Stentor is tricky. There is so little information about him in the game. How old is he? When was he adopted? When did he return to Sparta to participate in the family dinner at the end of the Deimos story arch? What happened to make him leave Sparta and join Kassandra’s ship?  
> Adding to that, what a childhood in Sparta would be like, regardless of him being adopted or not. Honestly, I don’t like delving into that well of historical information because it seems like the Spartans just actively and deliberately tortured their children from the day they were born. And, well… you know, I don’t like reading about child abuse, even if it’s abuse that happened thousands of years ago.  
> So. I have decided that in this fictional story, Sparta was slightly less of a shit-stain to grow up in. And that though the agoge absolutely existed, Stentor would have also spent considerable time with Nikolaos in Nikolaos’ home. Enough that he would have considered it his HOME and not just a building his adopted father happens to own. Think like… going home from boarding school over the holidays. Ish.  
> I think the game makes it clear that Stentor has an emotional bond with Nikolaos, but I wanted him to have an emotional claim to the house as well.
> 
> Speaking of the house…  
> It is a little unclear to me how much of the building is their house, or if it’s in fact two different houses, but I’ve decided to interpret it as one single house, so it’s two stories tall and a large part of the ground floor is dug into the hillside. Apparently.  
> I’m miffed we’re not allowed to go inside. Stupid developers.  
> (it’s also impossible to get a good picture of the whole or most of structure, hence no visual aid here)
> 
> About the PTSD… if that’s what it is?  
> Well, it’s certainly part of it, but we don’t know what the Cult and Chrysis really did to him. Was he also given that creepy drug they experimented on the other with? Who knows?  
> Anyway… are Alexios family handling him and his problems the way they should? No, of course not. Why would they? They’re just… handling it, according to their own instincts and personalities.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She didn’t think he actually would fall asleep, but he did. Breathing slowing down and his muscles relaxing. She sat still and silent, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

* * *

She didn’t think he actually would fall asleep, but he did. Breathing slowing down and his muscles relaxing. She sat still and silent, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

He didn’t stay asleep long, of course. She estimated it was about a quarter of an hour later when he jerked awake with a gasp and sat up, looking around with alarm, tense with suspicion. When his eyes fell on her, he relaxed a little.

“You slept.” She smiled softly at him, and he nodded, blinking slowly.

“How long?” Rubbing his eyes with his knuckles, he looked so _young_.

“Not long, mater won’t be ready with lunch for a while yet. But you _slept,_ Alexios. Do you feel better?” She was still smiling softly at him, a small bubble of pride or excitement threatening to burst in her chest.

He ducked his head and got to his feet. “Maybe. A little. Is Stentor…?”

He glanced at the door and she shook her head. “He left, I think pater went with him, but I’m not sure. I didn’t check.”

She stood up too and spoke in a conspiratorial whisper. “Why don’t you go and distract mater, while I sneak upstairs and search through Stentor’s things?”

He smirked at her and nodded. Opening the door, he stepped outside and walked towards the kitchen. Kassandra followed him, but veered off to the stairs, climbing the steps silently.

* * *

Stentor’s room was empty. She shouldn’t have been surprised, of course. He was a _Spartan_ General, and he’d had the room for less than a day. It didn’t leave him much time to spread his possessions around, even if he had any to spread.

Kassandra turned in a circle, looking for any trace of him she might have missed and spotted his pack just to the side of the door she’d just stepped through. With her ears listening for movement on the steps, she crouched down on her haunches and opened the pack. 

She was looking for anything that might tell her of his loyalties, but the pack didn’t contain much. Spare chiton and perizoma, whetstones for his blades, ink and parchment, letters from Nikolaos and from what she assumed were his friends around Sparta. Nothing incriminating, and no strange triangular shard. 

Not conclusive, of course, but maybe encouraging.

She heard footsteps on the stairs and quickly retied the pack before standing up and turning to face the room. There was no time to leave and no place to hide, so she stood still, throwing a glance at Stentor when he stopped in the doorway.

“It’s small. Too small for us to share, but once I leave, you two can switch back.” She let her eyes roam the room, but pushed away the painful memories of standing by her infant brother’s bed, tickling his belly and making him laugh.

Stentor stepped inside and scowled. “How generous of you, to allow my own room returned to me in your absence.”

“It was my room first, _little brother._ ” She raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him to refute her, but he inclined his head to her, conceding the point.

“So, why are you in here?” He glanced at his pack, possibly noting it was not quite as he had left it.

Kassandra knew that once he opened it, he would know that she’d been poking around, and decided not to lie. “Alexios is worried that you are with the Cult of Kosmos, so I searched your things.”

She thought he would be angry, shout or threaten her, but he just smirked. “And did you find anything?”

She shook her head. “No, but that doesn’t prove anything.”

His brow furrowed a little. “No it doesn’t. Not finding evidence of treason doesn’t mean there isn’t evidence to find. So what are you going to do?”

Kassandra smiled at him. “Well, you calling it treasonous to be part of the Cult is encouraging.”

His eyebrows rose in surprise, and then he smiled slightly at her. “Pausanias talked to me about a secret Order within the Spartiates that I could belong to if I proved myself. I was flattered, but also questioning. Not to his face, of course, but he was adamant that I not tell Pater anything of it, as the Order was secret and only for the very best, most elite of Spartiates.  
The best, most elite, but yet _The Wolf of Sparta_ was not good enough to be included. That gave me pause.  
The few times he spoke to me of it directly were strange as well. No one could know, not even King Archidamos. He spoke of cowardly, underhanded methods for advancement of Sparta, like secret assassinations and bribery.  
I had my suspicions of him, but it wasn’t until you brought evidence to have him exiled that I knew for sure.”

He stopped and looked at her, eyes serious, gaze firm. “I am loyal to _Sparta_. But there is no way for me to prove that to you, or to Alexios.”

She nodded and walked to the door. “Wait.” Stopping, she turned and saw him holding out his hand, a small, wrapped package sitting in his palm.

“What’s this?” She took the parcel and examined it.

“It’s why I left before. It's cannabis. We use it to treat wounds on the horses, or swollen painful stomachs, but...” Kassandra nodded slowly, skeptical. This was not news to her, cannabis was a medical herb used for all sorts of things, but there was nothing she needed it for.

“Look. I’ve known men with problems similar to your… to _our_ brother’s. Served with them, led them. There was never really anything to do for them but to discharge them from service or…” He shook his head. “In Boeotia we were joined by mercenaries from Scythia. They had cannabis too, but had other uses for it. Said if you burned the leaves and inhaled the smoke, make tea, or just chew on them, they help with… with the fear and anxiety and restlessness. 

Stentor scratched the back of his head and looked away. “I saw it helping some of my men, and some were not helped. But it’s worth trying for Alexios. I think.”

Kassandra was still turning the little parcel in her hands. If his story was true, it would be a good thing to try with their brother, but… this could also be a painfully obvious attempt at poisoning. “Where did you get this?”

“The hippeus. They keep a stock of it for the horses. If it works for Alexios we can get more from the merchant they trade with.”

She nodded and tucked the parcel into her belt. “Thank you.”

From below, Myrrine’s voice rose up, calling them to lunch and they walked down together to join her.

* * *

Unlike their meal the night before, this was a more silent and tense affair. Nikolaos and Stentor had exhausted most of their conversation about Boeotia, and the outburst from Alexios earlier still loomed awkwardly over their heads. 

Her brother hung his head, avoiding everyone’s eyes, and picked miserably at his food.

Finally, Myrrine broke the silence. “I’m sorry, Alexios. I should not have made you go to the agora when it was so full. You were not ready.”

They all turned to look at her, surprised. “I need… we all need to do better by you so you can heal at your own pace. But we also need to unify, show Sparta we are one family. In control.”

She hesitated a moment before continuing. “Sometimes, the face we show to the world needs to be one of strength, despite the chaos we harbor beneath.”

Myrrine looked pointedly at her husband, and Kassandra realized that her parents had been talking, strategizing about their family’s future in Sparta.

Nikolaos nodded and glanced at Alexios. “There is more to being the best than pure strength.”

Alexios, who was usually silent through their meals, didn’t hesitate with his reply. “That’s an excuse for the weak.”

He bit his lip and looked down at his place, and Kassandra wondered if her brother really did think it was a lack of strength on his part that prevented him from shaking off the Cult’s influence. 

Stentor rose from his chair before she could speak though, and challenged Alexios to fight. She was just about to stand up and intervene when she saw the humor glittering in Stentor’s eyes, and an answering smirk on Alexios’ face.

They looked on as the two men grappled with each other beside the dining table.

“At least the family is all together.” Myrrine smiled innocently at Nikolaos who buried his head in his hands.

Deciding they needed much more wine, Kassandra stood up to fetch it. She had fought Stentor and knew how strong he was. If Alexios could accept him as a sparring partner, he would have good support in Stentor after Kassandra left.

Refilling their cups, she sat back down again, and took a long drink of wine. “Mater. Pater. I know you want unity and strength, but… I need to leave. I have to get back to my obligations.”

Myrrine looked at her sharply. “Kassandra.”

“Don’t. I can’t stay here forever. What would I even _do_? _Weave_?!” Her parents shared a meaningful look she couldn’t read, but she ignored it and continued. “No, mater, I have to. The Cult is still out there. Even _if_ our family were safe from them now, the rest of Hellas is not. I have spoken to Alexios and he agrees with me. He will be fine. The three of you will help him, and I will come back as often as I can.”

“When will you leave?” Her pater’s voice was resigned.

“Tomorrow morning.” He nodded and hid his disappointment in his cup of wine.

* * *

Having said it outloud made it real, and Kassandra stopped hesitating. She would leave tomorrow morning, and needed to pack and get supplies.

After lunch though, she went outside with Myrrine to finish scraping the wolf hides.  
Instead of trying to convince her to stay, her mater told her everything she knew about the Cult, and repeated every vague rumor she’d ever heard of a suspected Cultist, in hopes it would help her daughter on her quest.

Kassandra, in turn, told her mater which port cities she could most reliably be found, and of other trusted people who could get a message to her.

Alexios joined them after a while, and together the three of them worked to scrape the hides clean. Later, they would be taken to a tanner and transformed into leather.

For the first time, the two siblings talked to Myrrine about the nights they spent out around Sparta, and to Kassandra it didn’t feel like a confession. Rather, it felt like handing over the task to someone else.

Every word from her, and every easy nod of acceptance from her mater made Kassandra’s shoulders feel lighter. Without ever discussing it with her parents, she had decided to shoulder the majority of Alexios’ troubles alone, and it had been weighing heavily on her. 

Now, when they actually talked about it, the solution was obvious.

Alexios couldn’t sleep and needed help to get through the empty nights, and his mater and pater could help with that. They also knew how to ride and run and spar and how to sit staring silently, just like Kassandra.

Myrrine was smiling ruefully to herself. “Maybe I can show you the places Nikolaos and I would go when he snuck out of the barracks, back when we were first married. 

Alexios looked up at Kassandra in alarm. “Mater! I don’t think Alexios wants to see where you and pater… _canoodled_!”

Myrrine looked up in surprise and then slapped her daughter’s shoulder. “That’s not what I meant. Your pater and I spent many nights around Sparta, talking, getting to know each other, planning our future. We found many interesting spots that would be nice to visit again.”

Kassandra raised an eyebrow at her brother, who shrugged as Myrrine continued. “I’m sure Nikolaos and Stentor have many good places to show you as well.”

This time, Alexios’ eyebrows knitted together in a frown, and Kassandra remembered that she hadn’t told him about her conversation with their brother. “He’s not Cult, Alexios. I checked his things, and we talked.”

Her brother was still skeptical. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “As sure as I can be. He’s loyal to Sparta and to Nikolaos, if not to us.”

They continued their work in silence until her pater and brother left the house to attend the evening meal with their syssitia. Kassandra got up then and walked with them for a while before splitting off to visit the agora, where she needed to pick up supplies and provisions for her journey back to the Adrestia.

* * *

Kassandra was packed and ready. All that remained was to tie the bags and satchels to Phobos in the morning, and then set off out of town.

The three of them had enjoyed their dinner together and now sat relaxing at the table, watching the sun set through the open front door.

It was almost dark when they heard raised voices from further down the street, followed by the sound of hooves. Suddenly, a horse slid to a stop in their courtyard and Stentor leapt off, running inside. His face was pinched in an even deeper scowl than usual, and he panted lightly from his fast gallop. 

“You two have to leave Sparta. Now.” Myrrine jumped to her feet to protest, but he held up his hand, demanding silence. “The King visited the syssitia with news of a decision he’s made. Alexios is to be moved to the barracks and trained in the agoge, and you... “ 

He pointed at Kassandra, his finger so close it almost touched her nose. “... are to be wife to one of the three candidates the King has given Pater to choose from.”

The three of them protested loudly, but Stentor raised his voice and shouted over them. “ _Enough_! There’s no time. You two need to leave _now_. If you are gone before Pater returns, he can’t be blamed for your departure.”

Kassandra looked at her brother, took in his barely concealed desperation to prevent what was about to befall the family, and turned to Alexios. “Do you have anything you absolutely can’t leave behind? If so, get it. Otherwise, get on that horse.”

She turned back. “Mater, tell pater I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.” 

Myrrine cupped Kassandra’s face in her hands and nodded, anger lighting fire in her eyes. “Until we see each other again, my lamb.”

Stentor had grabbed her packs and was tying them to Phobos. Alexios returned and let their mother sweep him into a hug before he walked outside and mounted the horse Stentor had brought. He waved a hand in his brother’s direction. “What about you? Won’t you get in trouble for this?”

Stentor smiled and glanced at Myrrine. “Me? In trouble? I rode ahead because I knew you two were departing tonight. My only aim was to prevent you from leaving until Pater returned. Sadly, I arrived too late.” 

Kassandra walked up to her adopted brother and held his face in her hands. “Stentor. However ridiculous it feels, we are _family_. If you _ever_ need help, or need somewhere to go, know that you can always come to me. You will _always_ be welcome.” 

Her brother's eyes were wide in surprise and he nodded, seeming too stunned to speak.

They rode quickly, recklessly out of Sparta and continued riding through the night. When the horses grew tired, they made camp far from the road to avoid being seen by potential pursuers. 

Finally, they made it to Gytheion where the Adrestia lay docked, and slipped below deck to hide while Barnabas readied the ship and crew for departure.

* * *

And so, here they were, weeks later. Long enough for Alexios to get his sea legs and get used to the faces of the crew, but not long enough to settle, to get used to this new life. 

It was difficult, too much change at once, too many new people to assess for potential threats, too many portside villages that could be hiding spies, assassins, and Cult members. Her brother was spiraling out of control, his mind and sanity unraveling steadily in front of her eyes.

There was nowhere to go on the ship. No forest to run through, no horses to ride, no hidden clearing to spar in, no place to hide away and be alone and undisturbed. They had left the threat of Sparta behind, but in doing so had taken away the one thing that seemed to soothe her brother and allow his mind some rest.

Kassandra stepped down from the helm with a deep sigh and called out softly to her brother. She hoped that her plan would be received positively by Alexios, but with his now far too frequent outbursts it was impossible to know what kind of reaction _any_ action would spark.

She motioned to him and he followed her down into the ship. Towards the stern, under the helm, was a small space built for storage. Kassandra had cleared it out of cargo and filled it with a soft sleeping mat, blankets and pillows. She had hung drapes to soften sounds and to block out any light from the lanterns throughout the hold.

The space was small. Only just long enough for a grown man to stretch out flat, and barely wide enough for a small stool next to the sleeping mat. She had spoken to Barnabas about keeping the crew far from the room whenever Alexios was inside, to reduce the risk of their sounds disturbing him.

Kassandra ushered her brother inside and closed the door. It was completely dark until she lit a lantern hanging from the doorframe. “I want to talk to you.”

Alexios was peering around the room, still standing up, making the small space seem even more cramped.

She moved the stool to block the door and sat down, gesturing for him to sit on the mat. “You made this?”

Nodding, she shrugged. “Well, I didn't _make_ it. I just put this stuff inside.”

He sank down to sit cross legged on the mat and head lowered. His fingers drummed against his knees, his shoulders were tense and his jaw clenched. An occasional twitch jolted his whole body. He was desperately trying to hold himself together, and Kassandra’s heart ached in her chest.

“I’m sorry we had to leave Sparta. I think you were actually improving a little when we were there.” He nodded and stayed silent. “Do you want to go back?”

His head jerked up and he stared at her in shock. “... _No_. They don’t want to teach me to be a good Spartan Citizen, they want me to be _Deimos_ for them.”

Kassandra nodded and looked down at her hands. “I just wanted to make sure. We didn’t really give you a choice back then and now… now we’re out at sea.”

“Yeah.” He looked down at his lap again. “I know I’ve been… difficult. Maybe I should just…”

She interrupted him, voice sharp and final. “No. You are doing _fine_ under the circumstances.” She sighed and wished there was space to stand and pace. “It’s the _circumstances_ we have to talk about.”

She thought she saw his shoulders relax minutely and continued. “In Sparta, you were not sleeping, but you were active. Walking around with mater, sparring with pater, and running around like crazy with me at night. Now, it’s just this little ship and there’s less to _do._ Even if it didn’t help you sleep, all that activity seemed to help with your… tension.”

She gestured at his drumming fingers and frowned when he stopped and clenched his hands. “Alexios, don’t stop. You _need_ it.”

Waiting until he let his fingers resume their rhythm, she shrugged. “I can’t give you back the open fields or deep forests of Sparta, but I have some ideas. We have several good, strong fighters in this ship who can spar with you, and who might put up a bit of a challenge. Then there’s the rest of the crew who need training, and I think that might be a good use of your time. If you want it, you could become our Battle Commander. Reporting to me, of course.” 

She smiled at him, expecting a grin in return, but he frowned and stared at his hands. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be in charge of any kind of soldier. That’s what I used to…”

He trailed off and Kassandra gasped softly. “Oh, Alexios, I’m sorry. I didn’t…” She reached out and lightly touched his knee. “Can you spar with the Lieutenants though? For exercise?”

He nodded, voice maybe a little thicker than before. “I can spar with them, and help them train the others but… I shouldn’t be in charge of anyone.”

“That’s alright. Don’t worry. I only want to find things that will make this easier for you. I can’t give you open fields or forest, but there’s plenty of water. We could swim until we’re exhausted.”

He looked up, surprised, and a small smile formed on his lips. “Heh… that’s funny. I never thought of that. Yeah, swimming could be good.”

Kassandra smiled back. “There’s also rowing if you want to _really_ exhaust yourself sometime.”

He nodded, distracted, a slight look of hope dawning on his face.

“But Alexios… none of this is going to help with your insomnia. We need to address it. We never did back in Sparta, never tried anything to help you sleep, really.”

The look of hope disappeared, replaced by fear. Kassandra tilted her head questioningly. “Nightmares?”

He nodded, and when he spoke his voice was small, young. “Yeah. Dreams. But… back _before_ … sleep was… not encouraged. We had to be alert, ready for anything at all times. We were made to sneak up on each other, to kill anyone who was sleeping. If you didn’t… you were… punished. And the one who slept too.”

Kassandra drew in a long, shaking breath. “That’s… that’s _horrific_ , Alexios. I’ve never… You could never trust _anyone_ , not even your own _lochos_.” 

She felt tears burning in her eyes and watched her little brother sit with his head lowered, hands clenched again. “Alexios… I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to completely rid you of that training, but we have to _try_. Even if you only manage a few minutes, it’s better than nothing.”

He wasn’t moving and she was just about to continue when she saw a tear glitter in the lantern light as it fell to disappear into the fabric of Alexios’ chiton. 

Instead of speaking, she slid off the stool and sank to her knees next to her brother. With gentle hands, she pulled him into her arms and let him cry silently into her shoulder as she cried into his.

* * *

It was a long time before Alexios drew a shuddering breath and pushed away, wiping at his face with his hand. His voice was thick with tears. “I think I always knew it was wrong for them to make us do that, but I never… never… thought about it before. What’s the point of a lochos, an army, if you can’t even trust the ones you’re fighting side by side with?”

Kassandra was still kneeling, holding his hand lightly in her own. “I don’t know. Control I think. If you couldn’t trust each other, then you couldn’t band together to question and overthrow your… trainers.”

He nodded and wiped at his eyes again. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“So, you’ve never tried anything to help you sleep? Herbs and medicines?”

He shook his head and looked at her. “What kind of medicines?” His eyes were red from crying and narrowed in suspicion.

“I’m not sure. I have a friend who is a healer. A good one, not a… priest. He might have something that could help. We could check with him if you are willing.” Alexios’ eyes were still narrowed and he didn’t respond. “But there are also common herbs that could help. Chamomile, mint, thyme, dill. Some you make tea with and drink before bed, other you put under the pillow or over your eyes while you sleep. They’re common herbs everybody uses.”

“Have you used them?”

“Yeah, dill and thyme I haven’t tried for sleep, but I’ve had them for other things, and in food. Mater used to make chamomile and mint tea for me when I was sick and had trouble sleeping.”

Her brother’s face smoothed out and he nodded. “Yeah, we could try that. Common herbs.”

“There’s also…” Kassandra hesitated. “Stentor gave me cannabis. I didn’t have time to tell you before we had to leave and then I forgot about it.”

“Cannabis? For sleeping?”

“No... it’s for the anxiety and restlessness. He said he’s seen soldiers with similar problems to yours and they used cannabis. I talked to Barnabas and Herodotos, as well as some of the port merchants, and they’ve heard similar things. That cannabis can be used as a medicine for nerves and tension.”

Alexios' eyes narrowed again. Kassandra paused, examining his expression. “You don’t trust medicines?” He shook his head. “Chrysis gave you things she called medicines and they made you sick?”

Her brother nodded, anger mingling into his look of suspicion. “Well… that’s not surprising. She was a horrible old bat who did nothing but lie and cause pain. But we can stay away from medicines for the time being. Try the herbs first. This cannabis though, that’s just a common herb like the others. Steep it like tea or burn it like incense.”

She had seen several emotions flitter over her brother’s face as she spoke of Chrysis. Now she waited for him to return to the moment they were in. “There’s one more thing we can try for your insomnia. Something that’s already worked once.”

Alexios looked at her, head tilted in confusion. She smiled gently at him. “I can sit here and guard you while you sleep. Make sure nothing and no one gets in.”

He began to shake his head, but stopped and stared at her. “It worked that last day in Sparta. Before lunch.”

She smiled wider and nodded. “Yes, it worked then. You slept, little brother, for a short while. Do you want to try it again?”

She thought he would refuse or postpone it, but he just nodded pensively and laid down on the mat, closing his eyes.

Unlike the last time they tried it though, now it took a long time for the tension to seep out of his muscles. Several times she caught him opening his eyes to check on her and the door. Each time she smiled and nodded at him. 

The last time, she reached out a hand and gently stroked his brow. His hand flew up and captured it in an iron grip, but it quickly relaxed and he lowered his hand to the side, still holding on to hers. 

When he finally fell asleep sometime later, it was with his fingers lightly tangled in hers.

For the first time since leaving Sparta, Kassandra’s heart unclenched.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, I managed to bring it back around to insomnia again. Phew. :)
> 
> According to Wikipedia…. A lochos, plural lochos, is a tactical sub unit of the Greek army. The meaning was essentially "war-band", a body of armed men. A Greek lochos was somewhere from 8 to 16 men.  
> I’m using it here to refer to the small group of soldiers that should have been Alexios' brothers-in-arms.
> 
> Regarding the cannabis use.  
> The plant seems to have been around in Greece at the time, but not as prevalent as it was in what we would now call the Middle East. But those areas were trading partners so… supply and information should have been available via port merchants, and also via the foreigners living among the Greeks. When it’s mentioned in relation to their contemporary medicine it seems to be used to treat everything BUT anxiety. For this story, I’ve decided that Stentor (who would obviously have experience with PTSD from the soldiers around him) would have learned about the plant and that it could help anxiety/PTSD symptoms from foreign mercenaries as well as the soldiers around him. So, there’s no actual evidence that the Ancient Greeks used cannabis to treat what we now call PTSD, but I don’t think it’s outside the realm of possibility that some people did without writing it down for posterity.
> 
> In the game, the family meal I’m quoting seems to take place at night, but I moved it to lunch instead. Spartan citizens (= men, duh) were supposed to have dinner with their syssitia, not in their homes with their families. And since Stentor has been away, I think it would have been considered rude of him (and also Nikolaos) not to dine with his syssitia two nights in a row.
> 
> I have also changed things so that the Atlantis DLC does not exist in this universe. I don’t like Triangle Man. So Kassandra’s parentage is uncomplicated.
> 
> Speaking of the ship… did you think it was weird that the Adrestia was at the harbor just waiting for them, even though Barnabas could have no way of knowing they’d be coming? Well, probably not as weird as being able to MEDITATE a ship to appear in front of you, so let’s just go with weird ancient telepathic texting to explain that.
> 
> And I don’t know where Phobos goes on the ship… it’s really weird to take a horse on a ship anyway, so yeah, just like the game developers I am neglecting to extrapolate on that. But rest assured! Phobos is safe with Kassandra (some weird way) and not left behind in Lakonia.


End file.
